Between Twilights

Between twilights is my soul wandering

It sees only hope of light rays to come the next morning

But in vain and pain and as yet no gain

There is restlessness in my soul because it sees no hope as darkness sets in

Was it my mistake or was it the lost heart at stake

It looks like there is someone out there, but this haze makes me see nothing yet haze

The haze that only disturbs my soul

I feel someone just left my hand someone who was so close

The separation was so painful that I feel extracted of my own soul

“How long has it been? “asked the pain,

It has been years but the longing remains

This twilight is so long that it ends not

Slowly my own shadow is leaving me too

I don’t know what to do, when I think of calling I don’t even remember the name

I felt my soul call the name, slowly, but there was just so much of vacuum around that it rarely heard my soul

If only he knew that restlessness was because of him

Maybe he would have turned back to see how I was dying without him

The stars were out to see my bare pale face

My dried lips and hopeful teary eyes race

My hands hand no power but still they were raised in prayer

I couldn’t stand any longer my knees were tired and sore

All I knew was my God knew that I was in extreme pain

“Heal me O God, Heal me!”

“Please help me stand the pain is too bad”

Tears were flowing, the pain wasn’t relieved

In hope of the next twilight in the morning, my soul breathed away!

If Only!

If asked
I did say yes

If asked
I did move myself towards

If asked
I did let you know

If asked
I did tell you about all those nights I cried

If asked
I did see into your eyes and you will know

If asked
I did tell you how quiet my heart was without you

If asked
I did tell you every wave reminded me of you

If asked
I did tell you about sleepless nights which the moon witnessed

If asked
I did show you every memory of yours which is safe in me

If asked
I did not tell you anything at all

If asked
I did smell your collar and recall

If asked
I did hold your hands and not let you go

If asked
I did tell you why I speak only if asked

If asked
I did tell you how much I missed the familiarity

If asked
I did tell you I have not felt alive in years now

If asked
I did say I did always love you

If only you asked!

Companion who never changed!

My companion who never changed.

I changed countries, cities, walkways, car rides, bed sides
but you always remain unchanged.

I never have to bother to please you to keep company
I never have to ask for your attention to maintain harmony

I just know you listen whenever I speak
and your responses are just so perfectly gentle

I know you love your admirer but you are so uniquely significant, to me,
When I consider sleeping you put me to sleep
and when I'm awake you listen to my thoughts with interest so profound.

This is seemingly a quotidian task to many readers about topics of "you and me"
But only, only, I know what your gentleness means to me.

You don't know but I miss you when you are about to start new 
But then I know you there then too.

If I could compare you to one of my friends who exists far far away but is just like you. 

I changed many places and so did my friend but everything remains unchanged.

So harmonious is the presence and yet so very hidden.

I see the halo sometimes and sometimes the darkness of my friend’s ever existence.

And hence you will be a reminder to me of a friend so existent
who will always be so close yet at distance.

Breathe!

Hold my hands

Hold my dreams

Hold me close that I hardly feel alone

Touch my hands

Touch my dreams

Touch my soul that I hardly feel alone

Break my fear

Break my circle of tears

Break my troubles that I hardly feel fearful 

Let go of my anger

Let go of my stubbornness 

Let go that I can't let go of you

Settle my heart

Settle deep in my soul

Settle my love that I hardly wait for none

Advise my hope

Advise my wandering mind

Advise my confusion that I don't seek anyone else's 

Careress my hair

Careress my body

Careress my heart that I feel cared for

Breathe my love life in me

Breathe my soul's life in me

Breathe my happiness that I am searching for

Then...

Live my love the life in me

Live my tunes with rhymes you sing

Live my love the life you want with me!

Stars and me!

I looked at the stars and they gazed at me,

We got into a conversation as it could be...

They asked me, why was I awake and my thoughts steady,

when the one I was waiting for was in his dreams already?

I said, I don't know, if it is him,

or just a whim?

If he is a memory to be,

or a future memory to see?

The stars told me that they could see him dream,

with every day the bond is growing deep it seems.

I told them what if they were not sure?

They told me, magic works miracles, so pure!

They told me, the twinkle in your eyes which are so gentle,

No, man can escape that light which is so bright!

I told them, if that was true,

then why doesn't he tell me the answers anew?

They said, find the brightest of us that you can see,

I pointed ten and gave up then.

They said, you could see just what was close in thought

And just because you couldn't see the dim ones, it doesn't mean they exist not

So if someone feels to be close because you have let them shine

Doesn't mean you have found that star which is awake to find you, my wine!

I told them if that is the case,

Then when do I end my prince's chase?

They told me, sleep, my girl,

One morning you will know the answer to the riddle

That morning we won't be there to see your rosy face,

But then when you remember this talk that we have with you, amazed

Because sometimes life unfolds,  

those miracles which are now untold

in the most miraculous manner

that you would be swept across your feet from your manor

and when the dreamer wakes

he knows that you were there in his every breath!

I wish...

I wish I had never known you ever.

I wish that day when I saw you in the lawn, I'd be seeing in some other direction.

I wish I never lost my concentration.

I wish I never gave you so much importance.

I wish I had never known you.   
  
I wish I can now be indifferent to you.

I wish I never knew you existed.

I wish I never heard any of your boring stories.

I wish I was never around you.

I wish I had never known you.

I wish I never wished for you.

I wish I shouldn't have told you I love you.       
I wish you had some guts to speak up.

I wish you could speak the truth.

I wish you knew me.

I wish you felt what I feel.

I wish things could be my wishes' way.

I wish I wish no more.

I wish I wish I wish I never knew you.

I wish if I had only wished in all those wishes for none of these wishes then how wish fully happy I would be.

That moment and this moment!

That night when I was scared in my dream, I went straight to my daddy and mummy and slept right in between them to feel safe and protected. To feel safe and shadowed. To know that I have two people whom I can hold on to. And the contended and peaceful heart slept and had dreams of happiness.     
This was when I was three years old and my memories are very vivid and clearly imprinted in my head.

When I became 13, mummy used to move her hand on my forehead and put me to sleep, say good night and kiss me bye. Remind me of prayers to be said before sleeping and then smiling, she put the lights off.
I was still sure that she will be around. 

Then I left home to go to a new city to start my further studies, I missed the familiarity of the two people most close to me. I tried finding that peace and security but I found neither of the two. The world overtook me and I tried to fake my strengths else the greedy world would have sucked all the goodness of me.     

I met many good friends who till time remain. But the love I was missing was in home so far away.

Home coming day was the happiest of my life. It was June 2011 and daddy was there to take me home. I was so happy and felt like I'm going back home to my first love... my parents. Life will be easy cozy and lovely because I am with them.

Standing on their bedroom door, now, I wonder, the ones who made me everything that I'm now, are so weak.
I wonder if God had not sent me to them how would they be. So weak and fragile are the ones who are my only Support. How would I stay if they are lost some way.  I try my best to help them get their health back. But indirectly I do it for myself because I love them and I feel protected in their presence so divine and pure.